Empathy

My number one strength is Empathy according to the Strengths Finder test I took in 2012. As a counselor for people in some pretty tough situations, I have to remain present with clients in the moment and process later. Most times it's not the situation that I have to process later but the feelings and personal fears that came up as I was listening. There are a myriad of emotions that I experience in a day. Sometimes I struggle to see this as a strength.  I am aware of how people are feeling constantly. With time, I am learning how not to make myself responsible for people's feelings. When they become overwhelming, I turn to my own for comfort and can sometimes get lost in my own feelings in an attempt to disconnect from others' pain.

When someone who is close to me is in pain, I have to experience their pain in pieces. I have a sensitive spirit and have to remind myself to be careful about how I enlist my  feelings. If I know something big is coming up emotion-wise, I almost need to ration them to keep from going crazy.

I do see it as a gift sometimes. Recently The Lord has put people on my heart to experience emotion for and pray for. It is really a beautiful thing because I feel like I am connecting with the heart of God in those times. And He sees all of my tears. It is something I can't explain but sometimes I am overwhelmed with an emotion that is not my own. Those times are sweet because it seems like I am crying God's tears for people. And I feel like I have a job to do for people who can't talk about what they're going through and can't express their emotions.

Because I am so sensitive to how other people are feeling, I get bogged down. When I am not spending time with The Lord asking Him to breathe on my gift, I can get in a place where I have to make sure everyone around me feels good so that I can feel good. I manipulate with my words so friends don't rock my already unsteady feelings boat with their own feelings. When I am overwhelmed or stressed, I get so lost in my own feelings that it becomes overwhelming. It helps to surround myself with people who speak positive truth. Otherwise it feels like I am rowing in the dark alone in a cave with bats and snakes.

 One of my gifts is also "Restorative," and so I gravitate towards what can be fixed or restored in myself and other people. Since another strength is "Positivity," I see negativity as the thing that needs to be fixed oftentimes. So I mull over my negativity in the cave until I get up and do something else or surround myself with other people to get out of it.

And I need to be around other people to get out of it! It is really cool to me that we all have different strengths and gifts and experience them differently. I believe that anyone's gifts/strengths can be used for selfish gain or to help people. More and more I am trying to use my gifts to help people, and it seems like an even longer process than my recovery!