Slave to Righteousness

I'm learning. Slowly but surely, I am learning. And that is a great gift :) I'm learning that life is not all about me. I'm not the leading lady. The church is the leading lady - Christ's bride. I'm getting married in 6 months to a man who has loved me and continues to love me in my most unlovable moments. Intimacy is scary because of the spots you see in yourself and the way you see those same, once-hidden spots affecting the person you love most.

I keep trying to make something of myself and present that to God instead of coming as I am and looking at who He is. I put the focus on myself. It's so easy to look at all that I'm lacking instead of looking at all that God has given me. It's a lot easier to come up with reasons why we don't deserve things rather than receiving the love of God as grace.

I've been hurt, but I've also hurt others. I think that is the hardest thing to come to terms with - that God would forgive me and entrust me with His love anyway is amazing and lavish and overwhelming. It's the kind of love that makes me blush and swoon, and I often want to run away from it because it's so brazen. Sometimes I feel that I must explain to God why I'm not worthy. 

But here's the thing - He never brings up my past. I always seem to be the one to bring it up as a way to shame Him for loving me anyway. I've heard Him patiently telling me how to live and love now. I can't imagine the pain that I cause Him by constantly reminding Him of how I've hurt Him.

God says that my sins are as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).

He says that my sins were like scarlet but have been made as white as snow (Isaiah 1:18). 

God is sovereign, and no matter how much I protest and display my own unworthiness, He is faithful to remind me of who I am.

For some time, I called evil "good" and good "evil." It has been hard work to figure out the difference. Rebellion is a trap that seems like choice but ends up stripping the choice and leaving one a slave to unfulfilling enticements. I am grateful that because of Jesus, "I have been set free from sin and have become [a slave] to righteousness." (Romans 6:18)

Lord, please help those who don't believe that You can love them. Please show them that Your love is so much stronger than their weaknesses, sins, and failures. Thank You for being our hope and our promise, Lord Jesus. 

I took you from the ends of the earth,
    from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
    I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

Isaiah 41:9