New England

As usual, through spending a large quantity of time with people, I learned a lot about myself. The last time I experienced anything similar without a period of rest was on the trip to Rwanda. That was challenging and made me realize that I still believed a lot of lies about myself. And then the whole Joe thing happened to solidify that...anyway.

 Some women and I went up to New England this weekend - I was born up there in Portsmouth, New Hampshire and had never been back, so it was quite exciting to see the hip, historical town in which I was born. New England is not like other parts of the U.S. There is a rich history there that is evidenced in the colonial-style buildings and the almost reverent quality apparent in those who are lucky enough to call it home. It's no wonder that the first settlers decided to stay.

 Of course, I have a strong desire to move to Maine and work a couple restaurant jobs while writing an autobiography. This weekend made me realize that I truly am an introvert with extroverted tendencies (my first therapist labeled me in this way). I love performing and meeting new people, but I also start to decay after too much stimulation. I desire inner peace more than anything, and it is interesting that I find more peace in nature than in anywhere else and am also able to cultivate it in myself when other people around me are chattering away. Perhaps it is a form of protection, but truly I think that it's good to learn how to nurture myself in this way.

 I wrote several poems to communicate my new love for nature, but I will only share a haiku and one of the poems:
 Silent reflection
More important than idle,
 Meaningless chatter.

 My soul longs for silence,
Solitude and reflection.
 Submerging recollections
 In colored leaves and calm that deadens
All but purest of the senses,
Trampling futile recognition,
Burping, braying through conviction,
Slicing through vapid conceptions.

 I am attempting to find a balance in this new season of reflection - it is important to stay involved with my community and speak up when it's called for. I find it much easier to just ride the waves and get lost in writing and deep thoughts. However, I mustn't neglect other things that are necessary to maintain my life - working so that I may eat and eating so that I may remain alive. If I only did things that were spiritually important, I would die. I must find a balance between what is spiritually important and what is physically important and realize that these things often intertwine. I can't wait to go to the Messianic church this Saturday! Shalom, Kristin