Jesus

The thing that blows my mind is that Jesus can save us from ourselves. I was very very very close to sleeping with someone last night. I haven't been digging into the word, and I have been gradually slipping closer to giving into sexual sin. It's my number one vice. I was using the language with him that I used to use, getting into the dark corner of my mind and not looking back. He fell asleep last night in his car and then we had an inappropriate conversation. Then he slept through when he was supposed to come over this morning. The sad thing is that I met him a week ago, and I didn't want to be more than friends, but he texted me and so I thought it was a great opportunity to have someone to snuggle with. My roommate has someone, so I thought it was okay for me. It is decidedly not, as I learned last night. I am so grateful for my friend Kari who knows the struggle. Luckily, this guy had work all day, and so I texted her and she was SO wise and SO sharp with me that I was finally jolted back to reality. God is working really hard on me right now. I am absolutely not doing anything to ruin what He has for me, and I am not gonna let some guy come in between us. He loves me so much, and He even died for this sin that I can't seem to shake. But IT NO LONGER HAS A HOLD OVER ME. And finally I am surrounded by people who would be affected if I fall. That's the thing about community. If one person falls, we all are affected and we all work to pick them up. God is bringing me into a place of beauty and leadership. I honestly dodged a bullet last night, and now I know this is a vice I can't beat on my own. I am like a spider, like a temptress who will not relent until she gets what she wants. Kari might be the only person who could have talked me out of it in a way that was relevant. I am so grateful for her. I am so grateful to God for putting her in my life. I am so grateful for the new life that I have in Jesus. I don't have to prove my worth to men. I don't have to identify myself by who I am in bed. I AM NOT A TEMPTRESS. I certainly used to be. There are former strippers and prostitutes who are serving the Lord. I am decidedly and 100% not that person anymore. I AM A CHILD OF GOD. I am tired of holding onto lies and identifying myself by who I WAS rather than who I AM in Christ. Praise His holy name. He is always always pursuing us even when we get ourselves into messes.